Recently, sixteen Hollywood actors came out and said they regretted their “Problematic roles.” Yes, they have actually apologized for something that was formerly known as “acting.” The thing that we always thought was their job description – getting a lot of money for impersonating someone who is not you.
Today, playing someone who is not you is the definition of “micro aggression.” Gwyneth Paltrow wants to be paid 10 million dollars for playing a rich white liberal snob. If I wanted to see that in a movie, I’d pay $15 bucks to my neighbor for having a “Black Lives Matter” sign on their front lawn.
Because I want to get my invitation to the next Hollywood cocktail party, I came up with a list of movies that I find very problematic, and I think that all the actors involved in these movies need to immediately apologize for their roles.
- Dustin Hoffman needs to apologize for his role in Rain Man for the pain he caused to the autistic community.
- He also needs to apologize to the transgender community for his role in Tootsie.
- Antony Hopkins needs to apologize for his role in Silence of the Lambs. That role could’ve been assigned to a real cannibal.
- Tom Hanks needs to apologize for his role in Forrest Gump. His portrayal trivialized the issue of low intelligence among the Hollywood elite.
- Bruce Willis needs to apologize for playing a dead man in The Sixth Sense. That role could have been given to someone who was actually dead.
- Eddie Murphy needs to apologize for his role in Coming to America. Eddie Murphy was not the real prince of Zamunda, and he owes an apology to everyone who believed that he was.
- Robin Williams needs to posthumously apologize to the gay community for his’ role in Birdcage. Robin Williams should have come out as gay before playing that role. Even if he was not gay.
- The actor who played Thing needs to apologize to “people with limb differences” for his role in Addams Family. Especially to people that have no body parts other than a hand. They were portrayed in the movie as “creepy and sinister”, and that was just plain offensive.
- The little boy from Kindergarten Cop needs to apologize to the nonbinary people for promoting hateful stereotypes.
Here is the list of movies that did not have “Problematic roles”, and should be the golden standard for Hollywood in the woke era.
- All Woody Allen movies. Woody Allen always casts himself as a short middle-aged weird Jewish guy – and that is who he is in real life.
- Dumb and dumber. The movie directors actually gave Jim Carey an IQ test to make sure he accurately represents the role he was playing.
- Being John Malcovich. This is where John Malkovich literally plays himself. Brilliant.